I joined Kechara since 2010. Through the compassion of Guru, I was introduced to the powerful Protector Dorje Shugden in 2015 before I went to China to work. Since then, I prayed to Dorje Shugden as one of my main Protectors and performed His prayers as part of my sadhana.
Due to the economic downturn, I have experienced turbulence in my career these past two years. However, with the blessings of Dorje Shugden, I am back on track again.
I lost my job for nine months since July 2014 due to the downsizing of the company. I had been going for interviews at over 20 companies all over Malaysia but I still failed to get any job offer due to my pay and position, even though I was willing to take a 20% pay cut. Finally, I found a job in Shenzhen in the beginning of 2015 with a salary that is close to my Malaysian salary (net pay is definitely lower).
I started my work in China in March 2015. I have been working very hard every day; on average working for approximately 12 hours every day and I cut down all unnecessary expenses as I needed to save for my family. I even have only one pair of shoes for leisure time and work.
In June 2015, I heard that there would be a Dorje Shugden trance by a Dorje Shugden Oracle held in Kechara Forest Retreat due to the compassion of our Guru, H.E. Tsem Rinpoche and the Protector. I quickly booked the air ticket regardless of the high cost. It was my golden opportunity as I had not seen my Guru for four years and besides, I had been admiring and watching video clips of oracles taking trance on YouTube for a long time. I flew back from Shenzhen, China to Malaysia just to attend the Dorje Shugden trance with my family and Penang Kechara Dharma members.
Tears fell from my eyes uncontrollably when I saw my Guru, H.E. Tsem Rinpoche. It was the first time in four years that I met my Guru. It was a fruitful day for me as I was able to receive the blessings and teachings directly from two powerful Protectors, Dorje Shugden and Kache Marpo. There truly is no difference between the Divine and the Guru.
However, a few days after I returned from the Dorje Shugden trance in Kechara Forest Retreat, I was asked to leave the company with merely a week’s notice. I think the real reason was because the company had failed to secure any big projects. I lost my job for the second time in 1.5 years.
I was in a panic as I had lost most of my savings sustaining my family’s expenses during my nine month of unemployment in 2014. Now after working for just four months at a lower salary, I lost my job again! Worst of all, it was the June period and it is hard to get a job in the middle of the year as most people will change jobs only after the Lunar New Year in China.
I immediately cut all my expenses. I did not dare to inform my mum initially as I knew for sure she would worry about me. I only took two meals in a day. I had cheap and heavy breakfasts (almost the same breakfast everyday as it was cheap) and skipped lunch (as lunch is more costly than breakfast, hence I ate a heavy breakfast even when I was full). I only ate RMB4/RM2.50 snacks if I became too hungry in the evenings (normally I would hesitate for an hour before deciding to purchase the snacks). Then, I ate RMB10~RMB15 dinners (sometimes I needed to walk for a distance for my dinner in order to save RMB2~3). My cholesterol levels soared to 5.8 (which should be <4 for a heart disease patient like me) due to the low cost meals I ate.
I carried on with this type of life for two weeks. I felt so sorry for my family, especially my daughter. I felt that I was a lousy and unqualified father who could not even earn a decent living to nurture her. I felt that I had brought her into this life to suffer. I was so depressed that I could not carry on with my sadhana. I had negative thoughts about why I was not blessed even though I had been working so hard for Dharma. I stopped my sadhana for three days but I continued my water offerings (a glass of clean water offered to Lama Tsongkhapa and the Protectors).
I was totally lost. In those three days, I was soullessly watching TV programmes to pass the time (I think I did not even look for a job during this period). I was crying in front of my altar before stopping my daily sadhana practice. In fact, I even thought of wanting to terminate my life. However, my daughter and my Dharma knowledge held me back. I knew I had not completely exhausted my obstacles and I did not have enough merit for a good rebirth. Furthermore, if I died, who would take care of my daughter?
After those three days, I knew I was wrong, I struggled to do my sadhana. To be honest, after resuming my daily sadhana, I felt like I came home in the sense that I felt safe (just like a lost child who has found a safe home under the protection of his parents). I was not so lost anymore.
A few weeks later, I found a job in Shanghai with almost double the pay of my job in Shenzhen. Furthermore, it is a job in the biotechnology field, one which I have been looking for in the past 10 years.
The moral of the lesson I learnt here is, do not lose trust in your Protector and Guru. Dorje Shugden can see beyond us. He always plans the best for us. When you run into obstacles, you might have similar negative thoughts like I did, for example, why I am not blessed. In fact, Dorje Shugden is purifying our obstacles in the very short term so that we can have a more conducive environment to practice Dharma in the long term. Trust your Guru and Protector 100% even if you are going through a rough ride and never give up.
Thank you Rinpoche and Dorje Shugden for tirelessly guiding me in the path.
Tan Soon Huat
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